this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
