Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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