Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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