Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
