why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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