just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize