Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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