Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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