My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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