Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
