as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
