Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
