no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am naked and annoyed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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