Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
