Tell her she can't have a vagina
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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