Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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