i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
