how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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