They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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