my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
