I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
