I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
