just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
