a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
