when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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