just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
