they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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