Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
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Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default