Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
