His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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