Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
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I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever