we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.