I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
