Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
