What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
