god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
