do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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