I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I still have a little drunk in my system
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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