Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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