onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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