we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
