remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
