hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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