That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
