It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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