i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
