i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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