Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
