Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
