My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
