he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
