Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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