My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
