someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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