I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
