4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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