I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize