is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
