She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
