I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
