i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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