remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
