I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
