I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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