why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My pussy is not your playground.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
