real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..