Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.