Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.