her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome