Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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