Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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